Dr. Susan Love Research Foundation | Breast Cancer

Left lumpectomy and axillary node dissection followed by radiation therapy

Age 50 at diagnosis (1989)

Age 58 in photo (1997)

I was five months past my 50th birthday when I noticed a puckering under my left breast—the same indication of the calcifications of a tumor my mother showed me before she had a mastectomy four years earlier at age 70. After my first-ever mammogram and a confirming diagnosis by my family physician I asked to be referred to the Hershey Medical Center where I knew I would receive the best possible care and treatment. Even so, I remember the sinking feeling that I was giving up control of my body and my life, and that things would never be normal again.

I had a needle-directed biopsy followed by a second operation to remove lymph nodes, none of which were positive. This was followed by six weeks of radiation. My lump was small so I was considered a good candidate for either a lumpectomy or a mastectomy. I chose the least invasive procedure because I was not about to put myself through any more than necessary. Reconstruction was never a consideration for me. (We're talking here about someone who would have anesthesia to get her teeth cleaned if she could talk her dentist into it!)

From the moment Mother showed me her cancerous breast, I had no doubt I would be next. It was a feeling of being resigned to it, rather than one of fear or anger. Mother's two older sisters also had breast cancer, the oldest one having been advised by her physician to ignore her sore breast because he said, if it hurt it wasn't cancer—a common misbelief in the 1970s. She died within several years from cancer which spread throughout her body. Her middle sister had a mastectomy, followed by a second one a few years later. Both she and Mother lived into their 80s and died of other causes. So I felt reasonably certain that I would survive my battle with breast cancer. But I am so grateful I have no sisters or daughters.

I still experience numbness on the back and underside of my left arm, but have no limitations, except that what used to be a mild allergic rash from contact with, or ingestion of, coconut oil has turned into a severe reaction—cellulitis in my left arm and breast—requiring an immediate dose of antihistamine. Following surgery and treatment I gained 50 pounds and my biggest frustration has been not being able to lose it again. My self-image suffers more from being overweight than from having breast cancer or being slightly lopsided.

But there is always a nagging apprehension each time I strain a muscle or feel a new pain anywhere above the waist. I can't help wondering, is IT back? Has IT spread? Will I be able to beat IT this time? Will I even be able to face IT again? Each time a friend suffers a recurrence the thought haunts me, will I be next? No one knows what caused it the first time, so what guarantees are there IT won't happen to me again. I am not a worrier, by nature, so I work hard at maintaining a positive outlook. But I am a realist, so the haunting thoughts are never far from the surface of my mind.

I have become seriously involved with the Hershey Medical Center's breast cancer support group and I would be more than willing to talk to other women about my experience. Any woman facing breast cancer needs to find emotional support—and lots of it. No one should try to face this alone. My husband John is the one who really got me through it. It's awfully hard to feel sorry for myself when my mate has lived with braces, crutches and wheelchairs most of his life because of polio. It certainly puts my little lump into perspective. I also give much credit to my son, my mother, my brother, a whole host of friends and, most definitely, our support group.

My best advice? Don't hesitate to gather your family, your friends, and God and His angels around you so you can lean on their support and strength. Then find and join a breast cancer support group. You'll be contributing as much to the group as they will to you, and you'll learn the universal lesson that your help to someone else always returns to you tenfold.

Partner's observations:

The initial news was a shock and the first weeks were worrisome. Our first meeting with the doctors (at Hershey) was reassuring and my wife was quite positive throughout the procedure. My biggest concern was the impact on her well-being but she was able to keep my son and me from excess worry by her attitude.

Nancy: Left lumpectomy and axillary node dissection followed by radiation therapy